Dating Fail #7

It was a blind date, and, thinking that she wouldn't be set up on a blind date with a total schmuck, Evelyn was pretty excited to meet the guy. They planned to get lunch one Saturday, so that morning she was rather surprised when the guy called to see if they could push their date back by a few hours.

"I'm really hungover," he moaned into the phone. "I won't be able to get out of bed for a couple more hours. I'm really sorry. I do want to meet you though. Can you give me a little longer to recover before lunch?"

"Sure," she said, figuring that, hey, we all have a rough night every once in a while.

And so, a few hours later than originally planned, she met him for a late lunch. He'd requested they go for Ethiopian food--which, for anyone unfamiliar with it, entails massive platters of delicious food served on a disc of spongy bread--and Evelyn was looking forward to the meal as much as she was looking forward to meeting this dude.

They sat down and totally hit it off. They talked about comedy, the Daily Show, politics, work, life. Evelyn was diggin' this guy. He was a looker. He was funny. He was...totally stoned.

"So I'm not gonna lie," he said while scooping up a big bite of food, "I definitely had to hit the bong to clear my head before leaving the house."

Um? What the hell does one say to that? "Yeah, I went running to clear my head" just sounds pompous, "what's wrong with you" would be unnecessarily rude, and "you had to get blazed to clear your head?" sounds naive.

Evelyn's only discernible thought, though, was IS THIS FOR REAL?! Who gets stoned for a date? And then admits it?

(Also, a side note about life and work in DC: if you're going to work for the feds, as most people in DC do--and as Evelyn did--you need to get a security clearance. And in order to have a security clearance, you have to make like Nancy Reagan and just say no.)

He smiled goofily at her from across the table while she sat in stunned silence, trying desperately to formulate an appropriate response.

Now I know why he wanted to get Ethiopian, she thought as he practically dove headfirst into the huge platter of food.

"You know, you're really awesome. I like you. I'm glad I smoked a bowl before coming out here. I wouldn't have made it otherwise," he said.

Of course you think I'm awesome, she thought. Everybody thinks everybody else is awesome when they're completely fucking blazed.

She didn't say that, though. "Thanks," she muttered while stuffing sponge bread in her mouth.

The rest of their date was lovely. Had he never 'fessed up to having smoked a blunt the size of a Chipotle burrito, she would've gone out with him again. But, to say the least, when that offer rolled in, she declined.